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treasures

13 Jan

I’ve been making some treasuries on Etsy. Audrey started doing it, then I did, and I’ve discovered that treasury-making may be habit-forming.

(click on pictures to see the full treasury)

this one features a superhot dress from GrandmaJune

 

this one is creepy

 

this one makes me think of Aunt Kelly

leopard print nails

2 Jan


My package of awesome clothes didn’t come in time for my party, but I managed to pull something together with skintight jeans, a denim vest, tinsel, and headphones.

 

I don’t know why I used my camera phone for this.

The best part of my outfit, though, was my LEOPARD PRINT NAILS.

I did not paint those. I’m not that talented. I tried the new Sally Hansen Salon Effects Real Nail Polish Strips (they don’t appear to be up on the Sally Hansen website yet, but I got mine at CVS Westgate). These things are weird little nail stickers, and they work pretty well. They’re $10 for 16 strips, which is pretty pricey, but I found that if you have short nails, you can use one strip for two nails. Once you file off the excess, it feels like real nail polish, only it’s already dry! The package says “lasts up to 10 days,” but I have no idea if that’s true or not, since I am a huge nail polish picker Gross! My superfast manicure has barely chipped so far, though.

Happy New Year!

snowed in

1 Jan

Here’s what I’d wear if I were filthy rich and had a snow day.

booties

1 Jan

My package didn’t come in time for the party, but that’s okay because I found this amazing thing in Mandy’s Etsy shop:

I wish I had smaller feet. This is the best outfit ever.

New Year

29 Dec

I bought two awesome things from Urban Outfitters with my Christmas money. I hope they get here by Friday, but I don’t know which thing to wear to the party.

I would wear these with textured tights, a lace shirt from Material objects, a studded bra, and my sister’s tuxedo jacket.

 

I’d wear this dress with a gold belt, black tights,and my Christmas boots:

 

stuff I bought just to prove it existed: stripey suspender sweater

1 Dec

I brought some clothes to Find this weekend, so I could get new clothes without spending all of my Christmas shopping money on myself (Find is great for instant gratification, since they buy clothes from you instead of consigning them). I started laughing when Laura held up a red and black striped sweater with attached suspenders.

image stolen from Find's facebook page

“Sometimes, I buy things just to prove they exist,” I said. “I have no idea what to wear with that.”

Laura and I decided that this would be a good feature for this blog: stuff I bought just because I was amazed someone made a garment so weird (coming soon: leather cape, suction cup shirt, terrifyingly huge earrings).

This one is Althea’s fault. We were at the Salvation Army downtown a couple years ago, and she insisted that I could make this sweater work. I don’t regret buying it, but I never could pull it off: with tight black jeans and ankle boots, I looked like Freddy Krueger’s lame attempt at mod. With a short pleated skirt, I looked like a colorblind schoolgirl. I never left the house wearing it.

If you’re more daring than me, it’s for sale at Find on Free Street. Are you up to the challenge?

Hey, it’s my closet!

29 Nov

Everyone needs to go watch this video of me and my closet at Fore Front Fashion.

 

Also, I dyed my hair black. I am now totally confused every time I see my reflection.

it is hard to photograph your own hair

closet tour!

23 Nov

Tonight, Laura and Nate from Fore Front Fashion are coming to see my closet/craft space, which fills an entire spare bedroom. I’m so psyched to show it to them!

Here’s a picture of part of my desk… keep an eye on their site for more!

I need to write about how I ended up with a signed photograph of Jimmy Buffett

in defense of Taylor Momsen’s borderline-pornographic outfits.

14 Nov

I don’t watch Gossip Girl, so I don’t really know anything about Taylor Momsen. What I do know is that the entire internet is freaking out because she is seventeen and wearing more eyeliner than clothing.

While I realize that Taylor’s outfits are pretty inappropriate for someone who isn’t old enough to vote, I can’t be offended by this. Why? Because this is exactly how I would have dressed at seventeen if I had only had the money/lack of parental supervision.

At seventeen, more than anything, I wanted to look sexy and tough, probably because, at seventeen, I wasn’t either of those things. I was a breastless string bean whose parents once punished her by taking away the book she was reading.

You may remember from earlier posts what happened when I got to college:

I can only assume it is natural for teenage girls to wear bras as shirts.

Cut Taylor Momsen some slack, because you know your teenage self would kill for those boots she’s wearing in the second picture.

FASHION TIPS

13 Nov
  • When shopping online, avoid purchasing items described as “granny,” “grunge,” or “boyfriend.” These words are code for “can be found at most thrift shops for less than five bucks.”
  • Vegan leather? Back in my day, we called that shit pleather, and it was cheeeeap.
  • Your outfit deserves better than flipflops. If you’re gonna wear boring shoes, they should at least have arch support. Exceptions: beaches, dorm showers, hot hot days.
  • If you are going more than a block away from your house, you need to take off your pajamas and put on some real clothes. The whole world isn’t your damn living room.
  • Gold shoes go with everything.
  • If you can’t find pants that fit, you’re not alone. Your body is not weird. OK, maybe your body is weird, but pants are the worst.
  • If you have big boobs and you find a bra that fits for under $15, BUY IT IN EVERY COLOR. You’ll regret it if you don’t, and if you try to go back to the store the next day to buy more, some smarter big boob lady will have gotten there first.
  • Don’t wear anything with the Playboy bunny on it. It just makes everyone feel sorry for you. Exceptions: anyone 80 or older.
  • Wear shorts under miniskirts so you can go up stairs and not worry about creeps looking at your butt.
  • Wear a coat; it’s fucking cold outside. Didn’t your mom teach you anything?
  • Tights are awesome, especially when they are thick and warm or have cool patterns on them.
  • There’s a whole universe of socks out there for you to explore.
  • Fingerless gloves are adorable, but so are mittens, so get both.
  • You look fine in that swimsuit, so shut up and go in the water. Everyone else is just worrying about their own body anyway.
  • Althea’s tip: Always have a defined butt. I agree. Jeans with a saggy rear make you look like you have a saggy rear. Butts of any size look good in tight pants, and the world will be a better place if people’s butts look good.
  • Nobody ever looked bad in a plaid shirt. OK, probably some people looked bad.
  • You can’t have too many beat up old band tshirts.
  • Get a purse big enough to carry a paperback, because sometimes parties are boring.
  • If you are wearing makeup, why are you wearing sweatpants? What the hell? This combination is so weird. Knock it off. It takes so much longer to put on makeup than it does to put on real pants.
  • Speaking of sweatpants, your ass is not a billboard.
  • You need to wear a shirt under your hoodie. You’re gonna lose a nipple in that zipper, and I’m not going to have any sympathy.
  • Giant logos are tacky.
  • You’re never too tall to wear heels.
  • You’re never too short to wear flats.
  • Head to toe designer clothing is not a substitute for actual personal style.
  • Don’t wear anything uncomfortable (unless it makes you look totally hot).
  • You can mix gold and silver jewelry as long as you try really hard not to look like a middle schooler.
  • Doc Martens are worth the money. Mine have lasted twelve years, and I still wear them all the time.
  • Fancy purses are probably not worth the money, but I wouldn’t know, since I got mine at the L.L. Bean outlet and had to rip someone else’s initials out of it.
  • If other people don’t like your outfit, they’re wrong.