How long has this shirt been at T.J. Maxx?

Seriously guys, somebody needs to buy this shirt. It’s probably been at the Hyannis T.J. Maxx for close to three decades, and it needs a home. How did this happen? Did somebody find it in the stockroom and slap a price tag on it? Or has it been out on the floor this whole time? It was clear, on close inspection, that this shirt was actually vintage, not some misguided attempt at 1980s revival by a modern company.

Even the price tag was bizarre. I mean, the department was listed as “holiday,” and the damn thing is selling for $18.99. What the fuck? No shirt is $18.99. I’ve seen shirts for $12.99, $16.99, and $19.99, but never $18.99, and I go to T.J. Maxx ALL THE TIME.

I’m on Cape Cod visiting my parents, and my mom was totally embarrassed that I was taking pictures of this shirt.

“Why are you taking pictures of that thing? It’s ugly!” she said, backing away to the neverending line at the registers.

“Because it’s ugly,Mom!” I shouted after her. “It’s like you don’t even read my blog!”

As the line snaked out even longer behind us, she laughed at my underwear purchases. “I’m going to go to therapy to find out why my daughter wants to be such a slut, and why she always has!” she said, as she paid for my neon orange garter belt.

I love my family. Even more than I love T.J. Maxx.

cute stuff you might actually be able to afford: blue and yellow

I made this set on Polyvore with items that are fifty bucks or less. I’m thinking I might make this a regular feature, because even though fifty dollars is more than I usually spend on an article of clothing, some of the stores that are featured here have good sales, and I will use any excuse to make these silly collages.

Cheap Stuff: Blue and Yellow Summer by sweetdisorder featuring Forever21 dresses

the Enduring Awesomeness of a Crappy Mall T-Shirt

that Gulf station has delicious samosas

This is my boyfriend, Mike, in the Calvin Klein parody t-shirt that he probably got at the Bangor Mall in 1997, when Seinfeld was nearing its end and Calvin Klein logos were proudly displayed across the chests of status-conscious high schoolers. Witty and topical then, this t-shirt has now outlasted the garments it parodied: recently I saw a man across the street wearing a CK logo tee, and immediately thought, “hey, that guy’s wearing Mike’s Cosmo Kramer shirt.”

Cosmo Kramer

Once ubiquitously emblazoned on perfume bottles, sweatshirts, and tees, the CK logo is no longer the suburban rich kid badge of honor it was when I was a teenager, but it is still familiar and iconic to anyone who shopped for clothing in the 1990s. Seinfeld is a beloved show, and Michael Richards still shows up sometimes in episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm (not to mention the insane racism he started spouting at a comedy club a few years back). Still, this shirt has a strange charisma that is more than the sum of its parts. I have not known Mike to wear it without getting several compliments from strangers. Maybe its lasting power has something to do with the way that even though it is parodying a status symbol of sorts, it doesn’t aim to make a statement about those who choose to wear designer logos. Also, as Mike pointed out, Kramer is rarely called “Cosmo” on the show, and he isn’t the lead actor, which maybe makes the joke just weird and silly enough to not get stale after over a decade.

this shirt is also great

Last night, as we walked home after First Friday, we passed a lady with great hair who looked effortlessly cool as she sat smoking on the steps of her apartment building. We were a few feet past her when she called after us,  “You know,  Michael Richards is in town.”